cheer up charlie brown

Don't talk to me about life.

I feel like I should write in here, at least for myself. So I will. Hah.

The beginning of my semester was murderous, due to one of the off-campus bookstores closing unexpectedly. Our traffic was absolutely insane the first week of classes, plus I was more or less in charge of the textbooks temps, which was an exercise in patience that I did not possess. There were days when I was doing four or five different jobs in a day (as in, jobs that should have been assigned to that many people). I lost about fifteen pounds, because I would run around for eight hours a day and then not eat enough because I was on the "pissed off diet." One of the temps was also the most apparently perfect boy I've ever met, and it turned out we went to high school together. He's about two years older than me. We went and got dinner and also went to the art museum (I called these "date-not-dates" because they were like dates but without physical contact), but then he got a real job in D.C. because he has a masters in political science or whatever. And lived in Germany. Because he speaks German. Ugh, good for him, bad for me.

Then I started sleeping with a painfully autistic 21 year old. Who got mono and then maybe gave it to me? I don't know. Sleepy.

Finished my thesis about the sideshow, both the written part (it was like 150 pages, although illustrations were involved) and the painting. Actually, I could go back into the painting. Anyway, I defended it quite awesomely. The notoriously difficult to please professor I had for LGBT studies (who I also have a wicked little crush on) told me it was one of the best he's been involved in and gave me an awkward little pat. Turned in my writing portfolio. Played Macbeth in my Shakespeare class. Got an A, of course. Have now apparently graduated with my BA. Only cum laude, because of my problems from years ago, but still not terrible. I have to start looking into grad school now, I guess, or acquiring a real person job of some sort. My goal is to start producing more: more writing that I submit for publication, more art, more work that might sell to people. And the grad school applications. Sigh. I'd really like to work in a museum, but I fear getting that education and then being un- or underemployed.

I desperately want to live elsewhere, but at the moment I have nowhere to go. :(

Also, I read some books, saw some movies, all that jazz. Soon I hope to post about that. You know, the non-life stuff. The inner life, which is so much better.

I'm not cool enough for the Internet

Whoa, so I go to update and find a mostly-written entry about last semester's terrible Harry Potter class. I totally don't even remember writing it. Well, the class sucked anyway, and it was a massive source of bitching from my little English nerd group, doubtlessly annoying many but entertaining me. Also the professor managed to say two amazing things, one awesome and one horribly racist. Respectively, these were:

"Why wasn't Dumbledore liberating Auschwitz?"


"So basically he goes for the girl-next-door [Ginny] and not the dragon-lady [Cho]."

I don't think I will ever be able to forget either.

But I drew a picture: Remus and Harry sketch. And I made a presentation about gay werewolf AIDS in class, which should totally have been a wonderful paper, especially because I managed to come up with several very elegant ideas involving queer and monster theory and werewolf mythology. But no. No paper in an upper-division English class. Let's do powerpoints and objective exams instead! Wait, what? Ugh.

I'm currently trying to make myself work on my thesis, which is hard because I'm pretty sure I'm doing Masters-level work and getting Bachelor-level credit, but oh well. Again, I have a very elegant idea that I'm focused on to the exclusion of all else, but it's so goddamned metaphysical. Also I'm probably in a state of mild depression, because I'm unhappy with my job and my social life is kind of fucked up. Also I'm not in Poland right now! Why must a $1500 plane ticket keep me from Poland!? :(

Things I have been consuming lately and am burning to talk about: Discworld and Archer. I know, these are two very different things.

Also I suck at lj, so if you want to be facebook friends, I can tell you that I am slightly more lively there. Leave me a comment and I'll sneakily give you my id, I guess. Then we can friend each other and pretend to be facebook populars.
paranoid android

Another drive-by update

It's a bit sad that updating has become a bi-yearly affair for me, but it's an unfortunate side effect of working and trying to pull my life together.

My major Internet accomplishment of late was finishing something for Yuletide: La Petit Mort. Re-Animator, Herbert/Dan, in which I combine and condense two ideas I had years ago. It really was an achievement, since I thought I had more time than I actually did, and so I had to spend like three days going to work then going to the library at night to finish first my exam for my LGBT theory class (which was brutal) and then this story. Forced productivity! It does produce results, anyway.

Here is the gift I received, by the way: Alternates. It is Back to the Future gen and very nice. Although it does tickle me that both years I have done Yuletide, I have gotten gen for the fandoms where I had hoped for father/son stuff. :) It is fine, though, since they have both been good gen stories, and I just like reading about the characters (yes, even when there is no sex involved).

I would be lying if I said I missed fandom and Internet and Livejournal stuff. I mean, I miss it... or at least some parts of it. I miss having the time to create, collaborate, and share stuff. Even just stuff like making icons or whatever. I miss that.

I'm writing an honors thesis on sideshow imagery in literature and culture at the moment. Which is great and all, but it definitely means that I should always feel guilty about having fun. So there's that. All I want to do is draw goofy things, but there is so much reading and writing to be done. And then what? Who knows. Life.

Still ate'nt dead!

I'm not!

I promise!

I traded an Internet life for real life things that are sometimes very satisfying and sometimes not so satisfying (but, ultimately, necessary). :/

I went to Poland for a month! And then to Rome and London, all with hortonhearsawho! It was an adventure worthy of an epic poem. Pictures will arrive eventually.

I also found a boy to run around with and do sex! Too much info? But it is nice. I still love kleenexwoman best... but sex is fun and it's good to not be lonely.

To satisfy my nostalgia for being able to nerd out online about things I like, here are two awesome Back to the Future related videos. I love you Michael J. Fox...

But omg Eric Stoltz!!!

Our play has a "madhouse quality" to it--the best review ever.

Our last supper at the Angola rest stop.

On May 23rd, my medieval drama class ended with us performing play 13 of the Chester Cycle at the University of Toronto. I don't know if I can do a write-up of this any justice, so here are pictures. Lots of pictures. None of which were taken by me, so I send out many thanks to the people who did take them.

Basically, this experience was the closest thing I've ever had to a religious experience. Maybe that was the heatstroke talking, but it was a very emotional day--after an emotional nine months of work put into the project--and it's something that I think a lot of us have already found tough to leave behind, especially after how much we put into it.

IIIIII love you Jesus Christ... Jeeeeeeesus Christ I love you, yes I do.

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Play 13 reminder!

If anyone reading this is going to be in or around Toronto on the 23rd at about 2:30 you should come see our play! All the info about where and when the plays will be held is on the site there. Victoria College, University of Toronto. I play Judas. My performance has been described as "Mephistophelean" (apparently I also have the face for it) and reminiscent of Truman Capote. The entire play is awesome. Watch us push the cart too! Fun for all!

We're leaving this morning at eight, but I have to go pick up my costume at the dry cleaner's at seven. That's why I'm up. Actually, I never slept. And I hit a raccoon with my car around 12:30 am this morning. :( IT IS NOT AN OMEN, JUST AN UNFORTUNATE ACCIDENT.

It was my birthday on Tuesday. People were so nice to me, it was unreal. :) I am very happy but also very stressed.
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an honest man

Forestalling any entries about actual events to talk about FEVER DREAM

I should have written this when I actually finished the book but I have literally been almost constantly busy and it just wasn't my highest priority. Anyway.

Oh god, these books. I've started describing them to others as being soap operas for people who also like sci-fi and horror mysteries.

And they are most assuredly soap operas. I was reading the book during our trip to Harpers Ferry. Once, when I looked up to give another breathless account of what had just happened, hortonhearsawho preempted me by asking, "So, did you find out whose baby it is?" Without missing a beat I replied, "But I already know whose baby it is!" (It is Diogenes's.) But I got hortonhearsawho to start CoC, so we can read trashy mystery soap operas starring queer albino FBI agents together! Yay!

Anyway, this is the email I wrote kleenexwoman when I finished the book. It says it all, really:

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In summation: Pendergast and D'Agosta are still a couple. They are trying so super hard to make Pendergast a tragic and heterosexual figure and it's pretty hilarious. Also I think the book actually arrived in bookstores today, so now people should read it and talk about it with me! Yay!

PS, Pendergast needs to stay the fuck out of Africa. D: Gah, wtf, stoppppp thaaaaaat. :(
fuck me up!

Kind of late notice, but oh well...

So if you are in the vicinity of KSU tomorrow, we will be performing our Medieval Drama play one final time in Ohio before we go to Toronto. Sorry for not warning anyone who wanted to see it earlier--one reason for that is because it's in an awkward place, so if you aren't familiar with the Kent campus it can be difficult to get there. The second reason is just that I have been SO BUSY lately that it keeps slipping my mind.

Anyway. Here are the specs:

WHAT: Play 13 of the Chester Cycle (the raising of Lazarus; the anointing of Jesus' feet by Mary Magdalene at the house of Simon the Leper; Jesus' entry into Jerusalem; the destruction of the temple; and Judas' plot)

WHEN: 5/5/10 (tomorrow) at 4:00 pm

COST: FREE! But we do accept donations to pay for food in Toronto.

SEATING: There will be some folding chairs and plenty of grass/standing room. Yes, it's outdoors.

WHERE: Here's the tricky part. This is a map of the Kent Campus. Our stage is behind Stopher and Johnson (the Honors college). That is, it is to the left of what is labeled the "Gym Annex" and to the right of the Art Building. It is by the basketball court (and, uh, the dumpsters). It is up the little hill from the Victory Bell and down the big hill from all the May 4th stuff. If you don't have a KSU parking pass, you park in the big green visitor's lot in front of the MACC and the student center. Basically, if you are wandering anywhere near us you will see us, because we are quite a production.

And if getting there isn't possible, you can always visit our website. If you go to the media tab and then scroll down, you'll see the April 5th run-through, which is the closest thing we have to a performance right now. Jesus doesn't know his lines, but if you just want to see me (Juuuuuudas), I do pretty well (although the rest of the production has tightened up dramatically).
an honest man

Fever Dream ARC reactions

I got back from my trip to Memphis on Thursday and I'm totally going to put up an entry about that sometime soon, because it was crazy and awesome. But first, I'm just sharing my dumb reactions to the Fever Dream ARC, as I've been sending them to kleenexwoman as I move slowly forward. I'm about a hundred pages in and, yes, there are spoilers and a lot of my own silly wibbling over Pendergast and D'Agosta. I also annotated and edited these some, because when I email her I tend to avoid capitals and punctuation.

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Your name is bitch! I own you!

Hey, what's up, checkin' in after like... forever. Haha, it's pretty sad that I no longer have much use for my journal now that I've basically dropped out of fandom. Is that sad? Sometimes I feel a little bit sad about it, but really not much. Fortunately my life is busy enough that not having Internet acceptance/social interaction isn't much of an issue for me. I don't mean to be too cruel about it. :( I suppose that, had I world enough and time as well as the inclination I would try to keep up with all the people I could and even with stuff that's happening in fandom (maybe). As it is, kleenexwoman tells me about specific stuff that's happening. It all sounds frustrating, and I find that I just don't miss it. It's also rather telling that the times I've been most active in fan stuff have been times when I've had comparatively little to do. Maybe in the future, when I eventually finish school, I'll contribute stuff again (unless trying to find and keep a job and/or grad school swallow my time whole).

Even if I do start contributing/posting stuff in the future, I doubt I'll ever go back to trying to contribute to discussions, either on livejournal or on messageboards or whatever. It's a bit sad to be an adult and to realize that even on the Internet, in Geekdom proper, you can't quite fit in. It's less sad though to find that you don't fit in but you don't care. That's fine. Then you do something else.

In the upcoming months I'll be:

- going to Memphis on spring break to work on clearing Zion Cemetery.
- helping to get our writing conference going for April.
- going to Toronto to perform Play 13 of the Chester Cycle in May.
- possibly (probably?) going to Poland to teach art to Polish kids in an English-immersion summer camp.

By the way, there will be two performances of Play 13 on the Kent Campus in April. At least one of these will be outside because we now have a stage built out by the Honors college. All other details are pretty sketchy as of right now, but I'm sure I'll be promoting it as things get more settled (oh god I hope things get more settled). If you really care about this, there's actually a website now with content on it. Embarrassing content. So that's pretty cool.

I love you. I love you. But I should get back to cleaning now.