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18 January 2002 @ 12:25 pm
Awright, let's go! *rolls up sleeves*  
I'm contributing to the silly/stupid/profound quotes business because it amuses me.

"There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?"

-Dick Cavett
mocking the TV-violence debate

Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: "Of all the radio stations in Chicago... we're one of them."

(I wanna go back to Chicago...)

"You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!"

-Monty Python's Holy Grail,
a comment on how Arthur got Excalibur
(It always did seem sort of suspect...)

"The philosophy exam was a piece of cake -- which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper. "



"They all laughed at Albert Einstein. They all laughed at Columbus. Unfortunately, they also all laughed at Bozo the Clown."

-Carl Sagan Broca's Brain

"A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs."

-Audobon Society Magazine

"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."

-Albert Einstein, when asked to describe radio

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."

I said, "You'll be sorry."

He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?"

I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

-Emo Philips

"Well, my English teacher was Japanese, my reading teacher told me to look it up, my coach was fat, and my shop teacher was missing fingers. What was the question - why do I hate the public school system?"

"Happiness is only happiness if there is a violin-playing goat."

-Hugh Grant, Notting Hill
(Ah! Classic!)

"Who's that then?"
"I dunno, must be a king"
"Why do you say that"
"Because he hasnt got shit all over him"

-Two peasants, "Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail"

"She's a witch!"
"A witch? How do you know she's a witch?"
"She turned me into a newt!"
"A newt?"
"... I got better."

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

"Evil Will Always Triumph, because Good is Dumb."

Dark Helmet, "Spaceballs"
(A personal favorite)

"We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars. But we won't. We're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."

-Tyler Durden, "Fight Club"

Chico: Right now I'd do anything for money. I'd kill somebody for money. I'd kill YOU for money.
[Harpo looks dejected.]
Chico: Ha ha ha. Ah, no. You're my friend. I'd kill you for nothing.
[Harpo smiles.]

The Cocoanuts (1929)

Ian: God creates earth, God creates dinosaurs, God destroys dinosaurs, God creates man, man destroys God, man creates dinosaurs.
Ellie: Dinosaurs eat man, women inheirit the earth.

Jurassic Park
(Loved this one ever since... well, I saw it...)

Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.
"The Fellowship of the Ring", J.R.R. Tolkien

(And it goes both ways...)

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

From "Life of Brian:

FRANCIS:
Yeah. I think Judith's point of view is very valid, Reg, provided the Movement never forgets that it is the inalienable right of every man--
STAN:
Or woman.
FRANCIS:
Or woman... to rid himself--
STAN:
Or herself.
FRANCIS:
Or herself.
REG:
Agreed.
FRANCIS:
Thank you, brother.
STAN:
Or sister.
FRANCIS:
Or sister. Where was I?
REG:
I think you'd finished.
FRANCIS:
Oh. Right.
REG:
Furthermore, it is the birthright of every man--
STAN:
Or woman.
REG:
Why don't you shut up about women, Stan. You're putting us off.
STAN:
Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Reg.
FRANCIS:
Why are you always on about women, Stan?
STAN:
I want to be one.
REG:
What?
STAN:
I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me 'Loretta'.
REG:
What?!
LORETTA:
It's my right as a man.
JUDITH:
Well, why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?
LORETTA:
I want to have babies.
REG:
You want to have babies?!
LORETTA:
It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
REG:
But... you can't have babies.
LORETTA:
Don't you oppress me.
REG:
I'm not oppressing you, Stan. You haven't got a womb! Where's the foetus going to gestate?! You going to keep it in a box?!
LORETTA:
[crying]
JUDITH:
Here! I-- I've got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb, which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans', but that he can have the right to have babies.
FRANCIS:
Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother. Sister. Sorry.
REG:
What's the point?
FRANCIS:
What?
REG:
What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies when he can't have babies?!
FRANCIS:
It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.
REG:
Symbolic of his struggle against reality.

(I think some part of me has this memorized)
 
 
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