Well... I sound like a real idiot.
And... yes, I know you all want to hear it... our computer is (duhduhduhduhDUH) dead. Couldn't save my mp3s. Didn't bother saving any of my artwork (most of it's backed-up on the web anyway). All my Word documents, however, were saved and are now with me on the laptop. They've all been renamed to include ~ at the end... but I can live with it.
Fuck... he's trying to just clear everything out right now... and it won't recognize the monitor.
That's a good sign.