Look at it this way...this is not the first time I've had brushes with acts of terrorism. I lived in New Jersey for two years and, in those two years, there were several bomb scares in the building where my father worked, and at least one real bomb. At one point, there was also a bomb placed in a local McDonald's.
Scary, isn't it? And I wasn't in a big city. This was technically a suburb, and it was one where I could find crack vials and used condoms on the street on any given day. The world is a frightening place. And I got off pretty lucky. Whether these bombs were technically considered acts of terrorism, or rather the simple actions of madmen, doesn't really matter to me. The bomb in my father's building was not a piddling, little thing. This baby shook the entire building (and it was a *big* building, mind you). No one was injured, but it was certainly the type of thing to make a person panic. It frightened me when I heard about it. Because you start to have visions of it happening again, and of people not being so lucky.
I've never had any experiences with the sort of mass terrorism that took place on Tuesday. I doubt there are many people living in the United States that ever thought this could happen here. Happen here. Here. This is the problem. Had it happen anywhere else, a small percentage of the population may have felt a pang of remorse, but nothing else. What else could we have done? And now every day is more normal than the last. It's disconcerting. I can't believe I hear people talking about the world as if everything was normal. It's driving me out of my mind, having to hear about people's hair crises or Friday night dates. I can't muster much enthusiasm for after school activities...
Look, it's Josh! ^__^;; Sorry, I just had to point that out. God, he's beautiful.
Anyway... I guess I'm feeling immensely guilty. If there was some way for me to exchange my own life with that of one of the people who died, I believe I would do it. Every one of those deaths was unjust; no one deserves to die in that way. I wish it was possible for me to make this exchange. I wish I could donate blood (I'm too young by about 8 months).
I'm afraid I'm not making much sense at the moment. But I'm still tired of Bush bashing and sensationalist news reports. I'm tired of hearing 'Just Nuke 'Em' or 'It's those damn A-rabs'. I can't believe these are people from my school saying these things, even in jest. It's wrong. I don't think people understand how wrong it is. I don't believe in patriotism, but this is honestly a time when all people, especially everyone living in America, to join together. I hate to sound corny, because I've never been one for sentimentalism, but I honestly believe that we should all practice our manners and our compassion right now. I know I haven't been one of the easiest people to get along with lately. I admit it. My depression has skyrocketed and I'm not in the mood to be fucked with. In addition to Tuesday's events, I've also been reconnected to my mother, a person who, previously, I hadn't been in touch with for between nine and ten months. Can you imagine how odd everything is right now? I, personally, am feeling the stress and (should you choose to be bitchy to me) I will be extremely unfriendly. You can count on it. And I will tell you when things are not right.
I understand that, right now, there are people going through things that are much, much worse. But I can only deal with myself and what's happening to me. There is no way for me to take other people's pain upon myself. If there was, I like to think I would have done it by now. I care more for perfect strangers than I do for myself. I'm not trying to sound particularly selfless, but when you're somewhat suicidal you have a tendency to place the worth of others above that of yourself. I don't think I can honestly explain it in any other way.
Josh just unzipped his fly and stuffed his hand in... O.O Can I get in on that, baby?
Sorry for the random spurts of my amazing shallowness. I feel obligated to lighten the mood.
Iggy Josh A. Charles
I've decided I like this movie a bunch.
In any case...I think I'm much too distracted right now. Maybe some other time I'll move on to what I actually believe and not the overall feelings of disbelief I have right now. I think I'm just too confused right now.