What happened today was that Ryan didn't show up for the play's matinee performance. It turns out that he decided he wasn't feeling well and didn't want to come in. That wouldn't be such a problem, except that the reason he wasn't feeling well was because he'd been smoking (pot, I assume) the night before...partying and shit. And that makes me ANGRY! I don't have a big problem with people who do pot or any other drugs occasionally, unless it begins to interfere with their daly lives and responsibilities. And then I get angry. Because I've seen too many nice, intelligent, wonderful people become ruined and miss so many opportunities due to drugs. And it always makes me feel so powerless. It also makes me lose all respect for the person in question. I just can' think of them in the same way once I know that they're letting something so trivial get in the way of their real lives.
This is especially painful because I like Ryan *so much*. I just don't know what to do. I'm so angry. I was supposed to go see him in 'Twelfth Night' tonight, but I'm just so furious that I can't do it. I just can't. And I have no clue what to say when I see next week at our last performances. What should I do? I want to act like I normally do, and hug him and be sweet to him. But I just can't. I hate people who break commitments for something so trivial.
I was looking forward to seeing him today. So much. You have no idea. I wanted to see him at the play and then go and watch him act. But I just refuse. I wouldn't enjoy it.
I don't want to write anymore. I'm just so angry.
And I want Zero to email me! Zero...honey...are you mad at me? I love you! I want to talk to you! Please? Is something wrong? Whaaaa! >.< I'm so unhappy right now...