One of the things I realized this year is that I'm creeping back into a state of real depression. When I was really badly depressed in middle school (oh... stop laughing. I was) I would fake sick a lot and miss twenty or so days of school a year.
Then freshman and sophomore year, I had nearly perfect attendence. Really good. Really happy. I could almost drag myself out of bed every single morning.
This year? 20+ days absent. Plenty of faking and some days of weird, random, hand-shaking craziness.
I don't want to get out of bed anymore. And part of it is because I don't have Amy anymore. I don't want Amy back. But I want the stability back.
I really miss having someone there all the time. A "best friend". I don't have that anymore. I'm also not in the third grade anymore.
But the past few weeks have been kinda happy. I mean, I'll never be popular. Maybe I'll never "hang out" with people ever again. Maybe I don't like that. I get tired easily, tired of people and of loud talking and bullshitting. But I do have people to talk to at school. I have things I like to do.
Mmm... reading over this post makes me depressed and isn't conveying the general sense of what I wanted. I'll just go off and cry now.