October 28th, 2001



One ego, light use acceptable, prefferably mint, able to withstand yelling, car honking, rude telemarketers, bitchy friends, and the daily grind.

For sale: One tarnished ego, scuffed, stepped on, might make a good doormat. Will be put to sleep in a week if not adopted.

Please contact immediately if interested.
  • Current Music
    'I Feel Loved'- Depeche Mode *snorts... yeah, great choice*

Oooh... *sparkly eyes*

I just saw the 'Rock Star' video on everclearonline.com.

And Art is damn sexy.

Why don't MTV and/or VH1 ever play that video? It's because Art is so cute. Yeah, that's it.

And those guitars are so phallic... *evil smile* I love it!
  • Current Music
    "I just wanna get laid!"
diner friends

"Heroin is so passe..."

Heh... yeah. I just remembered this song because, when I was in Dracula, Anya would run around singing it all of the time. But... she only knew the "heroin is so passe" line.

What a song to get stuck in your head.

I'm itching to write a story with this title...

  • Current Music
    "The Last Junkie on Earth"- Dandy Warhols

And the thrilling conclusion...!

Thank you Jebus for letting me get though this! -_-;; Still corny, though. Eh... I have never begun my stint in a fandom with a story that didn't focus on sex.

How strange.

I'm focusing on romance all of a sudden.

Curiouser and curiouser. Again, pardon any German grammar flaws. Take 'em up with babelfish.com instead.

~The only thing that ever makes sense to me
Is the words to a song from an American movie
The only thing that ever made sense in my life
Is the sound of my little girl laughing
Through the window of a summer night~

Oh, oh, oh ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Devoted members of the press! We all knew this was coming, didn’t we? And as much as I’d hoped, suspected, wondered, pondered, dreamed it still caught me by surprise. “Jean,” I croaked, my breath having been somewhat taken away by this startling development, “What about-?”

“Jean has her own agenda.”
That she did, that she did. And I expected it included Duncan and not Scott. “Besides… I don’t… I’m not in…”

“Love with her?”
Sorry, Liebling (11), it seemed like the appropriate thing to say.

“Yes.” He looked up at me again, his fingers extended to brush the contours of my cheeks, trailing gently in the short fur. It felt nice.

“Scott,” I felt like I was choking it was so goddamned emotional and I was so fucking suspicious of everything; how nice would it have been to say ‘yes’, I wonder? Yes with no strings attached, no hidden fears. No fears at all. “Scott, I don’t want you to get hurt… It’s so complicated… Society already hates us…” I didn’t want to say it, but it was true… And if I was sitting there letting another boy pet my face and tell me he loved me, maybe it had to be said.

Ich bin homosexuell. (12)

Wir sind homosexuell. (13)

Wir sind Begeisterten. (14)

“I don’t want you to get hurt,”
So determined and so beautiful, I couldn’t believe it. “Which is why I’m leaving it up to you. If you say no… I understand.”

Had anyone ever given me such freedom as that, such love as that? No, never. Masculinity and pride be damned, I was crying now like some little baby, tears soaking into my fur before Scott’s fast fingers could brush them away. They were like cleansing drops of my soul, falling away. My silly infatuation with Kitty. Drop. Months of wet dreams and hoping, praying that I wasn’t the person I was. Drop.

What everyone else thought. Drop.

~I sit alone in the backyard wishing I could be inside
Just the sound of my little girl laughing
Makes me happy just to be alive~

“Stay with me,”
His expression eclipsed into one of hope, “Stay with me, here in my room, tonight. Will you…?”

he replied so quickly that I giggled through my tears, “Yes, of course I will.”

“Sleep with me?”
There was a pause as he struggled to comprehend.


“Sleep with me.”
I took his hands in mine and nodded toward my bed. “Tonight. Will you?”


“Make love with me.”

He stood, still cupping my hands in his. “If you want to.”

“I do.”

~Sometimes I am happy just to be alive~

I did. And we did and it was wonderful, the two freaks moving in tandem; every time he touched me it was like being taught, reeducation for Kurt and Scott. We all learn, slowly.

And here we still sleep side-by-side, happy some days, unhappy others.

If I’m still trapped in the goldfish bowl of life, at least I have company. Hidden away from prying eyes, our lives continue. I don’t think I mind so much.

Manchmal bin ich glücklich gerade, lebendig zu sein. (15)

Die einzige Sache, die mir überhaupt sinnvoll ist, ist die Wörter zu einem Song von einem amerikanischen Film. (16)

(11)- Darling.
(12)- I am gay.
(13)- We are gay.
(14)- We are freaks.
(15)- Sometimes I am happy just to be alive.
(16)- The only thing that ever makes sense to me is the words to a song from an American movie.
  • Current Music
    'The Last Unicorn Part 2'- America