October 29th, 2001


"When I saw my brother below me..."

*This was the entry that I thought I didn't have. But I do have it >.< Just keeping it for posterity*

The video for "When It All Goes Wrong Again" is so fucking freaky. O.o;;

Anyway... had to write a poem for Poetry Writing (ah... what else?) where we picked a photo and imagined ourselves in that place. I, naturally, picked out a picture of Art onstage. ^___^ Interestingly enough, I'd had a dream the previous night that I...um... *coughs with embarrassment* wasabackupguitarplayforEverclear. ^^;; Very nice dream.

Anyway. Poem:

"Drug of Choice"

I just wanna be a-
I just wanna be
Amidst stage lights and wires and electricity that
like it's alive
And it's all around me, coiling around me
Snake-like, twisted, and strangling
Squeezing the chords out of me
Like the boa constrictor that it is
Heat and fire and light
Steel and metal
And a man beside me who grips his guitar
In exactly the same way that I do
With nervous white knuckles amd sighs
The crowd is like a living thing
Throngs of people moving in sickening waves
Ever closer
Someday they'll come close enough to swallow me whole
Being onstage is like being a god
Even when you fade into the background
Like your skin has
Been torched

I just wanna
Just wanna be
Be a Rock Star

So, that be the poem. And I just started writing this other thing in English class because I was mad. >.< Low pain tolerance, my ass! *mumble, mumble, grumble*

Ah, we all gaze heavenward
What are we waiting for?
Cherished gods with a superficial charisma
That we worship so hard and fast
Bodies meshed together
Sweating together
Bleeding together
It smells like sex
Dirty fucking in a mass of humid people
Who all love you the same
  • Current Mood
    awake awake
diner friends


Sometimes I leave just to see whether stuff happens without me.

Sometimes it does, someimes it doesn't. *shrugs* Ok, then...

The only female characters I like are in Discworld novels. I wonder why this is? Oh... well... female characters are almost never interesting to me. They're either in the backgroung, chasing after something with a y chromosome or saving the world, while chasing something with a y chromosome. Yet the gals in Discworld are just... they're there, doing their jobs. Men be damned, most of the time. ^_____^

Decided this morning that I like Susan Sto-Helit a lot.

Hee... ^^
  • Current Music

Fucking LiveJournal...

I posted during lunch, but it never showed up. I was kinda counting on that post because I had typed up a poem I wrote for poetry class...

I turned it in today. So I can't retype it. >.<

Damn, damn, damn... I was going to type up the comments I got, but there's really very little point now.
  • Current Music
    'Whose Line...?"

Dead flowers...

Depressed again. Well, I usually am. I hide it well, aye? Well, not really. I'm really bad at hiding things. I've just given up on hiding the scars. Miss Atkins made me talk to her about it (forcibly grabbed my wrist and dragged me from the room) and Rachelle made me show her and then asked me what I use. *shrugs* Ok, whatever. Life goes on.

It's so tempting, though. I'm not so sure I want to die; I don't think I've accomplished what I need to accomplish. But I'm becoming less and less sure of what it is I do need to accomplish before I die. Besides, the attention makes an overdose or something seem really tempting. Which is awfully stupid, especially because I don't normally like a lot of attention. But I do. >.< Which is why I feel so fucking torn right now.

Besides, negative actions get you a lot more attention than positive actions. Heh... No one really gives a shit about the "positive" things I do. Why bother?

Why bother, indeed?
  • Current Music
    'Scar Tissue'- Red Hot Chili Peppers