January 29th, 2002

diner friends

Ok... I get me smartness, yesno?

I'm taking my portable cd player to school with me so I can listen to "Assassins" during downtimes.

I find myself wondering what would happen if I started singing "C'mon and shoot the President!" out loud...

I'm hoping that the FBI understands.
  • Current Music
diner friends

Smartness me not...

Riii-iiight. So I brought my cd player... and the batteries didn't work. Mrrrraaaaah! Maddening! I want to scream!

No... I just want batteries. Should've checked them before I left the house. Dammit... and I thought about it too! I just didn't do it...

I'm an idiot.

And Amy actually talked to me in English today. Well... not real talking. But I was babbling about Ryan to Anya and she overheard and asked if it was last weekend, etc... and also whether that was the play Mike was talking about? Pfff... I dunno. And which Mike did she mean? Heh... that just occured to me. Maybe it was then... I didn't think about it.

So... major step forward there. Maybe.

And I feel sort of icky. Arrgh. Fat. Unhappy. I hate this feeling so much! And it depresses me because I don't feel like I have the discipline or freedom to start exercising and eating right, etc.

O.o;; Someone just called for Mr. Haney. He's not here. I dunno how you call the art room! I'm scared and embarrassed. Ahhhh! Help!
  • Current Mood
    embarrassed embarrassed
diner friends


I just spilled water on the last page of my sketchpad. Umm...

I need a new sketchpad. >.<

Mr. Haney called me the "Everclear Queen"! Hee... I said there are three Everclear queens in our school: me, Lauren, and Amy. Yeah.

Oh and now I'm apparently supervising the running of lights for the One Acts. Which means I'll get paid to sit around and do nothing. Dream job...? Yes. But very, very boring. And I have to go on Thursday and actually watch these One Acts. I plan to bitch a bit about how I should have been a director. >.< Over Keagan? Yes, I should have been. Y'know, if they actually based this on talent.

Blargh. And I got a 1 for my solo and ensemble piece. This is me:

Me: I got a 1? A 1??? I never get ones! Because I suck! When did I stop sucking? This is very disconcerting.

It really is. And I know I went class C (the easiest music they got), but still... I guess it's because I don't have pitch problems anymore. Which is another weird thing... I've always had difficulty staying on pitch. And now it's not even a concern.

What is up with that? Maybe I'll be in musicals someday after all...
  • Current Music
    "The Ballad of Czolgosz"- Assassins

Fuck you!

I just got yelled at for my report card. And here's the lovely thing... my semester averages were all A's. But my exam grades included three C's and a B.

Ok? So what? I don't care, so long as my semester grades are A's. But apparently it's just not good enough.

And he sits there and says (with a straight face) that it's not about me getting straight A's!

Then what is it about? Huh? You expect me to always be perfect on everything I do, but I'm not. I'm not gifted the way the elementary schools all said. I'm normal. I'm not a genius.

He says it's about me not trying, and I say that's bullshit. What does he think I did, just stroll in to my exam and write "I don't know" on every line? Did he forget that I had missed 4 days of school before exams and hadn't been given things like review sheets or time to prepare. I was sick, I was pissed, and I just went and took them. And, yeah, I got a few C's. But if I'd gotten B's, it would have been the same thing. What's wrong with you? Why don't you ever try? Why aren't you a better daughter?

What's your problem? Why can't you be perfect the way I am? Here, let me live my life vicariously through you! Maybe I didn't get Valedictorian, but you sure can!

I don't get praised for the good work I do. No, he doesn't care about the fact that I got A's on my choir exam, my English exam, and my Latin exam. He doesn't care that I got a 100% on one of my physics tests this semester. No, all that matters is when I fail. I'm not worth noticing unless I do something wrong.
  • Current Music
    "No, it doesn't make a bit of difference, does it?"

Mental screams of frustration


  • Current Mood
    enraged enraged