May 17th, 2002


Bah, humbug...

I had to run for the bus today. Most definitely looked like a fool. >___< I really hate that. I hate feeling really dumb, especially in the eyes of the trashiness that lives in my neighborhood. "No, no, that's not fair. I'm supposed to be making fun of you!" Arrrgh...

Concert tonight. I must really hate it because I keep talking about it. Spent last night in the tech booth, just avoiding sitting with the choirs. Which we're supposed to do. But, you know... you get to a certain age in high school and the rules stop applying.

Princess Jasmine on my arm today...
  • Current Mood
    embarrassed embarrassed

P.S. I hate high school...

I'm feeling really depressed lately. Like, really bitchy and unhappy and sad. Which is about the right description for depression, I suppose.

Like... ok. Today the winners of our school's art show were announced. First of all, it's a stupid contest. I mean... ok. So I place in a category. So... who cares? It's just our school... there's so little competition that it doesn't make any sense.

Second of all, I won first place in the charcoal category. Oh, hooray for me. And I think I got an honorable mention in pencil and... third in ceramics? I dunno... I didn't see my name on the list, but I had a ribbon next to my (partial) teaset. Whatever.

But what makes me depressed and bitchy and unhappy (when I should be happy, for god's sake) is that I didn't even place in painting. Nada, zippo, nothing. And that's where I see myself being good. Not mediocre, like I usually am, but good. And I know, know, know that my painting was better than Carmel's or Lauren's. I'm sorry... but it took fucking forever and, while it may be ugly, it's still good.

So, fuck. The injustice of it just makes me mad. I really hate losing, especially to people I'm not fond of. Had I lost to Jamie or Brandy or Emily (well, technically I did lose to Emily as well... but it's all those other people that fuck me over),I wouldn't care. I'd be happy. Yay, you won! Huzzah, good luck, let's go fishing.

I'm so petty and stupid. And such an attention seeker. I hate it. I hate it so, so much.

And, dammit, I just can't stand hearing Anya suck-up to Amy. What's all that about? "Boy, if I were Amy, I would wear a skirt that short too." No, Amy... I'm really sorry. But you would not look cute with pink hair and, yes, at the moment, you look trashy. You discovered that people think you're pretty and so you're milking it for all it's worth. It's not terribly impressive, nor does it make you a spectacular person.

"Kill the sun... yeah, kill the sun."
  • Current Mood
    bitchy bitchy