May 22nd, 2002

benevolence

Well, this sucks...

I'm sick. Have a cold. Feels like someone stuffed a bunch of cotton up my nose and then stuck my head in a vise.

Precious generic Tylenol... *drools* I have this really weird memory of Morgan and I pronouncing generic as "gen-errrr-ick!" And giraffe as "grrr-affe!" Ah... what the PACE kids came up with when left to our own devices. I've begun wondering why, exactly, they even bothered with us...

That doesn't mean I don't have any good memories. Pickle-a-days, tossing the ol' brain around, "U.P. isn't disgusting", painting "grrr-affes" on the little porch thing (accidentally), "what's the three-letter word beginning with 'a' that we don't want to use?", long nights at State Bowl, longer nights at International Bowl, Morgan hitting Pat Cruce (repeatedly) with a tennis ball, The Junkman's Daughter's Brother, sending notes to the dishwasher people, food poisoning int the second row, axe murderers late at night, and playing 'hide the cross' from Mr. Condit!

Whew...
  • Current Music
    Nina Gordon - Tonight And The Rest Of My Life
sigh

Well...

I gave my journal a makeover. I think it actually looks worse now, but... *shrugs*

Am trying to figure out how I can make myself a "Thriller"-themed journal. Waaaaa-aaant.

Hmm. Hmm, hmm, hmm.
  • Current Music
    Michael Jackson - Thriller (but of course!)
grr

On self-mutilation...

I'm really sick of hearing people say that they don't mutilate to get attention. Why? Because it's bullshit. Unless you are a tried and true masochist, some part of the pitying, female, white-trash scum that you and I are wants to be noticed (how was that for an awful sentence?).

Generalization, generalization. Why do we generalize? Because, in general, it's true. I injure myself to get attention; why are so many people too 'proud' to admit this? Even when I hid my cuts, I still took pleasure in realizing that I was 'special', that I was 'different'. It's still a kind of attention. I wanted to get attention from myself. Even within my little coccoon, I wanted a reason to feel secure and unique.

Now I get negative attention from my parents, my peers, my teachers. And I enjoy it, dammit! It makes me stand up, take notice, and say "look! Someone is paying attention to me! Might as well live another week!"

So... no. Don't you dare try to bullshit me. All of life is about attention-getting and I'm sick of people denying it. It is! It is! Life is about validating our ego. Why not just admit it?

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  • Current Music
    Nina Gordon - Tonight And The Rest Of My Life