May 31st, 2002

grr

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

Migraine. Ouch. All day feeling sick and unhappy. Ouch.

Some good news: I got switched to Choralworks (aka the "good choir") because of a scheduling conflict I had with Chorale. I know Mrs. C. is probably a little ticked about it... but she switched Marissa too. ^__^ We were like "Eee, eee, eee!"

Of course, Marissa actually sings well. Really well. Outstandingly well. I'm a few steps above mediocre, but... Well, Miss Mills (why do I always have so much trouble calling her 'Jane'? She's either 'Miss Mills' or 'Justine's mommy' to me) will be pleased. She's dead set on me making an ensemble next year. Which'll be funny because I've tried out every year and never made one.

If it lets me sing "The Simple Joys of Maidenhood", I'm ok with it.

The downside to all this is that I've had to forfeit all my art classes. So long, byebye. But I can't quit Latin (not with one year left and me being treasurer). And now I really can't quit choir. And both classes are important to me. Not as important as art, but still important. And more urgent now, because it'll be my last year to participate in something so structured. I'm not going on to college to do Latin or sing, and I want to enjoy it while I can.

Does that logic make any sense? I'm worried it doesn't.

And Mrs. Atkins called me her "best art student". Of course, it was in the context of "Why is my best art student not taking any art classes?"

Oh... well.
  • Current Music
    Elton John - Your Song
squallxlaguna

Why have the past few weeks been really fluffy for me?

I dunno why. I'm just curious.

One of the things I realized this year is that I'm creeping back into a state of real depression. When I was really badly depressed in middle school (oh... stop laughing. I was) I would fake sick a lot and miss twenty or so days of school a year.

Then freshman and sophomore year, I had nearly perfect attendence. Really good. Really happy. I could almost drag myself out of bed every single morning.

This year? 20+ days absent. Plenty of faking and some days of weird, random, hand-shaking craziness.

I don't want to get out of bed anymore. And part of it is because I don't have Amy anymore. I don't want Amy back. But I want the stability back.

I really miss having someone there all the time. A "best friend". I don't have that anymore. I'm also not in the third grade anymore.

But the past few weeks have been kinda happy. I mean, I'll never be popular. Maybe I'll never "hang out" with people ever again. Maybe I don't like that. I get tired easily, tired of people and of loud talking and bullshitting. But I do have people to talk to at school. I have things I like to do.

Mmm... reading over this post makes me depressed and isn't conveying the general sense of what I wanted. I'll just go off and cry now.
  • Current Music
    Rent - Over the Moon