August 5th, 2002

sigh

General thoughts...

Well. I just went out and did something I felt like doing... spur of the moment. No planning. Just did it.

I went for a walk. After midnight. I was not raped, tortured, molested, or abused in any way. Although I do figure that being of the ugly persuasion helps insure me against these perils. That and the fact that there's nobody running around outside in my neighborhood during the summer.

I've been all about appearances lately. Mine mostly. Arrgh, I hate worrying about it so much.

Saw Amy today at the mall. Don't know how to feel. There I was, ducking in between people like a mouse, clutching my new Darren Shan books and then, suddenly, there she was, Lauren faithfully by her side. She waved, but there were other Kent people in front of me, so I didn't know who she was waving at. So I did a half-wave, ending with my hand running through my hair. And scurried away.

But, like I said, I really don't know how to feel. I feel like I want to still be mad at her, but can't muster up the enthusiasm. I'm more angry with myself for not being better without her. For not having magically found all this resolve and all new friends once I was forced to part with her friendship. I've started talking to new people, which is a step in the right direction, I suppose. But it's not whole new friendships. And I haven't suddenly become more attractive or more confident or happier. I'm trying. But it's hard, and I'm not very good at 'hard'. I'm much better at 'easy'. But, then... most people are.

I did tell the cashier at the bookstore that I liked his "Frodo Lives" button (I want one, dammit). XD Completely different from my normal state of "yes, no, thanks a bunch" shopping. He was cute... but then he was making me a little uncomfortable. There I am buying Darren Shan, for heaven's sake... *shakes her head* I think maybe I'm just paranoid or something. Evidence would suggest so...
  • Current Music
    Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies - Leaving On A Jet Plane
sigh

Did you know...?

That there are at least a thousand people on lj that cannot spell "writing"? Unless there is an activity called "writting" of which I am unaware.
  • Current Music
    They Might Be Giants - Birdhouse in Your Soul