September 3rd, 2002

bright

"'Cause your kisses lift me higher like the sweet song of the choir..."

We're singing "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" in choir. It's cheesy, shmaltzy, and oh-so fun. And high. Oh, yeah... >__> We kinda missed that part. *stares at music* What just happened here?
'Course, it's just the first day of singing it. But still. I'm just freakin' amazed at how fast everything moves in this choir.

I've been feeling really down lately. Like... sick, scared, unhappy, depressed. It's not pleasant at all. I mean, I couldn't stop crying last evening... and I'm a little afraid that's going to happen again tonight. I'm really horribly anxious about the future. I'm afraid that I won't be able to handle school. I'm afraid that I won't be good enough to get into college. I'm afraid of failure, but I'm also afraid of success. If I make it into my choice college... then what? Where do I go from there? Am I going to be able to get a good job? Am I going to be able to handle adulthood? When am I going to have to grow up all the way?

I'm also afraid of dying. Which is a little scary, because I'm only afraid of dying sixty years from now. Dying right now, I'm perfectly comfortable with.

Dad found me "The Man Who Shot McKinley". Phwaaa... happiness. It's an out-of-print book, so I know he definitely had to do some searching to find it. And now I have it. *luxuriates in Czolgosz-ness* Heeheehee.

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  • Current Music
    Wynonna - Burning Love