August 28th, 2003

fuck you

I HATE PEOPLE!

I HATE THEM! I want to cry, I hate them so much! Hatehatehatehatehate. I HATE MEN, especially. Right now. Sorry guys, but I'm starting to see where the feminists are coming from on some of their propaganda on women not getting fair treatment.

I am smart. I am not stupid. I'm ditzy because I get nervous, I drop things, I stammer, I don't always listen, I tend to try to blurt out what are, apparently, wrong answers. This isn't a measure of my intelligence, however, this is a measure of my social anxiety disorder and ADD... and it's not a measure of my gender, either. It doesn't make me stupid or emotional or any less of a person.

I admit, I get scared of men. I haven't exactly had a ton of positive experiences with males (and I've had some downright unpleasant ones in fact) and I hate being corrected by a guy. I don't feel comfortable speaking up if a professor is male. I don't like being teased by males because it doesn't feel like teasing, it feels like mocking.

I've been watching this happen for years and I still see it... males are favored over females. My exposure to the art community has taught me, essentially, that my style is not preferable. That I should aim for a more masculine, more angular, more detailed, more straight forward style. Because that is what I see getting favored. The top comics artists are male, the top caricaturists are male... in general, the people in our culture who are doing what I want to do possess a penis. Which, and I hope you've gotten this by now, I do not.

Not only that, but males are favored in classes. Males' comments are taken more seriously, their stupid questions are answered without comment. If a girl asks a stupid question, it's a joke. She's dumb, she was thinking about boys and not paying attention, etc, etc. And if I give a stupid answer, I get corrected snottily by some overachieving little bastard. How could I be so stupid? Duh.

The professors don't even seem to take my interest seriously. I'm trying to clearly understand my 2-D design assignment and he seems to have this attitude of "you should have gotten this already; it's not hard" whereas he can casually point out mistakes to the boys and joke with them. He jokes at me and I feel as if I'm being put on the spot.

I hate genders. I'm just so frustrated right now.
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squallxlaguna

... sigh...

Well... ooh, I have a headache and I'm feeling jealous of people and depressed. And... hmm, there's a male being in this room. Whinewhinewhine. *cries some more* Homophobic bastard. (P.S. I have now heard about fifty different pronounciations of "yaoi." The correct one is "yah-oy," I think.)

Ummmm... is there a community for FAKE fanstuff? Livejournal is confusing me. Um. Or something.

I'm feeling lonely. I want a friend. I want some quiet time.
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