February 8th, 2004


... maaaaaaan.

Why do I always fuck everything up? I hate this instability and irrationalness... it shouldn't be a character trait, it shouldn't. I wasn't always like this; once upon a time you could trust me or talk to me without something upsetting coming up. Once upon a time I could walk in a crowded area and not feel like I was getting ready to have a panic attack or start kicking ass. I mean, seriously... when did it become "fight or flight?" When did I decide that the world was against me?

Sometimes everything just hurts and it makes me think I'm too sensitive. Like my body wants to break into a million pieces. Scatter the ashes, haha. Into the wind, over the ocean, sleep with the fishes. Bottom of the ocean, so dark and peaceful.

My own selfishness and inconsistency makes me so frustrated; I wish all this constant change would stop. You'renotsickyou'renotsickyou'renotsick so stop acting this way, goddammitgoddamitgoddammit! If I was someone else, I would slap me. I don't have the patience for this.
  • Current Music
    Tori Amos - Spark

For one of the few times in my life...

I'm wishing I lived in Texas. A) glorybox is there... I think. And B) Gary Nolan is speaking and having fundraisers and arr I want to go SUPPORT THE LIBERTARIAN PARTY BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL CAN'T DO IT HERE. Arrggle... Republicans and Democrats and Green Party members, oh my!

Gary Nolan, Libertarian for President

Voting for a third party is never wasting your vote or throwing it away. Voting for a party or a person you don't support at least 90%? That's wasting your vote... voting for things you don't believe in or don't understand because of one or two issues that get a lot of media attention. Lordy.

My hand keeps cramping up, which is ungood. And I'm tired but not tired... oh, my head hurts. Things ache. Feels like I can't do anything right.

I'm not really depressed, just... I feel awful and uncertain. I don't think I'm doing the right thing. How do you reconcile two different kinds of love?

Maybe "Do you...?" is the better question.

... I keep rereading it and crying. I should probably stop rereading it.

EDIT: I'm also a V-Day dork.

discover your inner candy heart @ quiz me

Yes. So take the hint. *whinesighsnuffle*
  • Current Music
    Live -The Dam at Otter Creek