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25 September 2002 @ 04:47 pm
So...  
My life has officially been taken over by homework. Calculus, English, Latin... Art, if I'm lucky. At some point I suppose I'll have to pull together a speech for Public Speaking.

I am, by nature, a lazy person. Or, rather, I guess I'm a creative person who has no problem doing things that hold my immediate interest, but balks at anything involving real work. The past few years of school have involved almost no work on my part. In general, I could breeze through classes doing the occasional worksheet and listening only when convenient to me. It was a fairly good set-up from my point of view, as it required me to do the minimum amount of work while getting an A and still having time to draw, goof-off, sleep, have fun, etc.

Apparently, this year is working on shattering my comfort zone. It feels like all of my time is spent sleeping, doing homework, or sitting in class. All I'm focused on is whether I have homework to do and how far away the weekend is. All I want these days is time off. Two or three days to do my homework instead of one. Add to this the oppressive cloud of fear hanging over my head, and you find me huddled beneath layers of blankets rocking back and forth while clutching a stuffed animal and crying (this is true). More and more I find myself thinking "I can't do this".

I really am sorry that most of my posts lately have just been me whining but, like I said, all I'm doing right now is being stressed by school. There's not a lot else to be said right now, and I'm definitely running out of ways to express my fears. Thank you, thank you, thank you as always to people who offer support or encouragement; it is very much appreciated. I can't even express how appreciated it really is... thank you, thank you, thank you.




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Since it seems to have become less and less necessary for me to be coherent in any way, this really seems to fit quite well.
 
 
Current Mood: worried
Current Music: Serial Experiments Lain - Duvet
 
 
 
acassha on September 25th, 2002 03:57 pm (UTC)
I wish I could offer more than a lame "it'll get better", but I can't.
I know how worrying it is when suddenly you realise you now have to work, especially when you've breezed through all your previous years. At risk of sounding like my mother, I can only say to stick at it, and don't make the mistake I did of not caring, and thinking I could wing it. And I know it sounds stupid, and it sounds like a lie, but it does get better. It does get easier. And it's better that you try and let it out at your livejournal, or anywhere, rather than keeping it all inside. If you ever want to chat, I spend half my life on yahoo or msn; I won't be patronising like a school councillor.

And, you know, you *can* do it. Promise.
tchantchan on September 25th, 2002 07:09 pm (UTC)
in all honesty, i can tell you i know how you feel. i've been there... last year, in fact, particularly with english and ap gov. blech. but you know what? as hard as it was, as greuling as it got in certain times of the year, as consistent as my mantras of "dont think, just do it, you'll die if you dont, i'll die if i do..." i got through it. and despite what it feels like, it does get easier, at least for english (it did for me.) as for classes like gov and calc, well... those you plug your way through, and there isnt really much i can say except tough it out and come to find me if you need consolances. there isnt really much of another way, but it wont piff your brain if you dont let it. this time of year last year was when i learned i needed strength, and found it, somehow. if you need help in your search, feel free to bellow for me and i'll find a way to help out, somebody who knows the problems you're dealing with. ^_^ i cant say dont sweat it, because you will, and you are, but i can say dont let it overwhelm you. yes, its easy to do, but i know you have the strength somewhere to do what needs to be done. everyone does, even you, even if you dont believe it. the trick is, you have to believe it. thats probably even harder, but im willing to help with that too. ^_^ please dont hesitate to call me... my dorm phone is in my journal somewhere in the archives. i'd guess i wont be there if you try to call anytime other than between 3:30 to 5pm, but you can leavea message with my roommate or call back later (im not sure how well the voicemail works--ive had problems with the damn thing). if nothing else, call my house and leave a message with my parents, they'll be able to find me eventually. ^^;; good luck, steph. maybe we should get together sometime again even if you think you can get things worked out without my help. its been too long since ive seen you.