DrWorm (drworm) wrote,

  • Mood:
  • Music:


"I tell you that I'll always want you near/You say that things change, my dear." - Tori Amos

I keep posting out of boredom, procrastination, and nervous energy. But mostly nervous energy. Worry. God, I'm so frustrated.

Color concepts lies forgotten on my floor.

I'm so unhappy. I wish I wasn't. I wish people would stop telling me to push on, that "this too shall pass." What if it doesn't? And what am I pushing myself toward? Life feels very hopeless right now. I feel like the future is just this giant void, a million years of nothing spread out before me.

God, it would be so easy... I'm four floors up, there's no screen in my window... I could jump. Maybe I wouldn't die, but something would happen, right? It would take away my worry and my guilt and my whatever.

It's cold outside. And I look out the window at an entire city of people who have their own busy lives and their own problems. I wonder where I get off acting like this, threatening suicide, cutting myself, hurting myself so that I can in turn hurt others and get some sort of attention that isn't a fucking pat on the back and "nice job, you're very talented"... there's a whole big city outside my window, filled with thousands of people, but none of them are the right person at all and it's not fair.

I don't want to be so far away and I don't want to keep having misunderstandings and fights and I never want to hurt your feelings.

"But all I can think about is how much I miss my cats..."

  • Don't talk to me about life.

    I feel like I should write in here, at least for myself. So I will. Hah. The beginning of my semester was murderous, due to one of the off-campus…

  • I'm not cool enough for the Internet

    Whoa, so I go to update and find a mostly-written entry about last semester's terrible Harry Potter class. I totally don't even remember writing it.…

  • Another drive-by update

    It's a bit sad that updating has become a bi-yearly affair for me, but it's an unfortunate side effect of working and trying to pull my life…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 1 comment