DrWorm (drworm) wrote,
DrWorm
drworm

  • Mood:
  • Music:

I will always be weird inside/ I will always be lame

Trying to color. Repetitive motions and ultimately boring task making things seem more manageable.

For some reason it is also soothing to listen to the same three songs over and over and over. Why is that? It may have something to do with me being lazy and not wanting to change the damn cd... but...

Am also becoming irritated with people I have no right to be irritated with. It's very unfair, to them mostly. Not that they'd know or care. Am getting the feeling that I want to flick them and say "Hey, butt out for half a second". Lordy, you can't get anything done around here.

But it's just some nice irrational jealousy. That tendency I have to say or do things that scream "Pay attention to ME!" It's why I did theatre, for chrissakes. Because, when I did, everyone would pay attention to me and that was the whole damn point. But I stopped liking the spotlight. Mostly all I want is to be acknowledged, I think. But I don't want to be paid attention to constantly.

Ok. I want to be acknowledged by people I like. But not everyone I like knows how much I like them because I don't come right out and say "Hey, you're cool", "Hey, you're interesting", "Hey, I value your friendship", or even "Hey, I like you, dammit!" I'm not good at that. I am, quite honestly, a shy person trapped in an outgoing person's personality. There are a lot of times when I don't feel like I have the right to participate, or when I feel like just sitting on the sidelines and watching and listening is good enough for me.

Anyway... analysis ramblings... I should stop. I honestly want to reply to things, but at the same time don't feel like it. So if you were expecting something from me, it ain't gonna happen (god, is anyone expecting anything from me anymore?).

Bah... I sleep soon.
Subscribe

  • Don't talk to me about life.

    I feel like I should write in here, at least for myself. So I will. Hah. The beginning of my semester was murderous, due to one of the off-campus…

  • I'm not cool enough for the Internet

    Whoa, so I go to update and find a mostly-written entry about last semester's terrible Harry Potter class. I totally don't even remember writing it.…

  • Another drive-by update

    It's a bit sad that updating has become a bi-yearly affair for me, but it's an unfortunate side effect of working and trying to pull my life…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 0 comments