Log in

No account? Create an account
11 October 2001 @ 09:55 pm
I will always be weird inside/ I will always be lame  
Trying to color. Repetitive motions and ultimately boring task making things seem more manageable.

For some reason it is also soothing to listen to the same three songs over and over and over. Why is that? It may have something to do with me being lazy and not wanting to change the damn cd... but...

Am also becoming irritated with people I have no right to be irritated with. It's very unfair, to them mostly. Not that they'd know or care. Am getting the feeling that I want to flick them and say "Hey, butt out for half a second". Lordy, you can't get anything done around here.

But it's just some nice irrational jealousy. That tendency I have to say or do things that scream "Pay attention to ME!" It's why I did theatre, for chrissakes. Because, when I did, everyone would pay attention to me and that was the whole damn point. But I stopped liking the spotlight. Mostly all I want is to be acknowledged, I think. But I don't want to be paid attention to constantly.

Ok. I want to be acknowledged by people I like. But not everyone I like knows how much I like them because I don't come right out and say "Hey, you're cool", "Hey, you're interesting", "Hey, I value your friendship", or even "Hey, I like you, dammit!" I'm not good at that. I am, quite honestly, a shy person trapped in an outgoing person's personality. There are a lot of times when I don't feel like I have the right to participate, or when I feel like just sitting on the sidelines and watching and listening is good enough for me.

Anyway... analysis ramblings... I should stop. I honestly want to reply to things, but at the same time don't feel like it. So if you were expecting something from me, it ain't gonna happen (god, is anyone expecting anything from me anymore?).

Bah... I sleep soon.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: 'I'm On Your Time'- Everclear