DrWorm (drworm) wrote,
DrWorm
drworm

This is not my computer but I'm posting anyway because I'm bored or something.

Okay, so. I'm still at kleenexwoman's place because I'm totally lame and also driving for five fucking hours sucks AND ALSO when I get home I have to go to school and also it's sort of snowing on and off. It was rain and fog coming up, so I'm like, oh come on... christ I am so bad at transitions. Anyway.

We've been mostly watching stuff. Stuff that needs watched. We totally annihilated the first season of Mission: Impossible, and it is pretty much as awesome as it could possibly have been. The only shit thing is that Steven Hill got fired after season one and replaced by Peter Graves, because Steven Hill is a cranky old Orthodox Jew (which only makes him even more lovable). BUT Rachel and I have made up an epic tale of what really happened to Dan Briggs and we totally wrote it down in my notebook, along with other asinine observations, so here it is and it's awesome:

Following Dan's removal from the IMF for incriminating photos featuring sexual conduct with "the enemy" (actually Cinnamon and Rollin dressed up as a Nazi and a Soviet, respectively), he is dispatched to a titty bar in Minneapolis. There, his mission is to run the bar, except actually he just sits on a stool reading old spy novels ("They get everything wrong!") and tells customers to fix their own drinks. Regulars gossip that he may be an ousted spy, but also dogs can't look up.

Rollin comes to rescue him, surprising him by sneaking up behind him and humming the theme song under his breath cuz it's totally meta.

Dan has a single goldfish named Goldy now. He would tell her all his secrets, but he doesn't really have any. He will not tell Rollin any secrets, except about the old lady working the ticket booth at the theater across the street and how she is definitely a Commie spy and he's keeping an eye on her just in case. Rollin is mystified, but basically a good sport. He does bar tricks with a quarter to entertain the regulars while Dan picks up his last paycheck.


WHAT THE FUCK. And the sad part is that these are not the only retarded scenarios that have been spouted. Also, it has been concluded that IMF agents have incredibly kinky sex, that Dan and Rollin are gay for each other, and that Cinnamon is sexually aroused by fur coats full of money and also diamonds. She's also an expert in pegging.

But seriously, it's a great show, very sassy. Everyone's life could use more sassy. Throw aside your snark and cynicism, you jerks, and embrace a life of pure sass!

We also watched some movies that make me want to get with some dead movie stars, or at least reanimate them so they can continue being awesome. More later, mostly concerning the wonderful gayness of Rebel without a Cause and Rope, because everyone needs to know more about these things.
Tags: mission impossible
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