Disclaimer: As always, files are of varying (mostly low/medium) quality and are meant for previewing purposes. If you like a song, check out the artist and support them! If it's possible, I mean. Some of these songs are harder to find than others.
Thanks: to kleenexwoman for the World/Inferno Friendship Society track.
Notes: So, this time, you have to suffer through my inane reasons why I chose the songs I did. It's fun. Go with it. There's also really short, really stupid fic for you at the end if you want it.
Also, fair warning, this is not very, uh, complimentary. It turned out kind of mean. But, and I'm being entirely sincere here, I'm meanest to the characters I like the most. I honestly really, really like Napoleon... it's just that I like him because he's sort of a jerk. Take that how you will, I guess.
Download! Part 1 (46.48 MB) Part 2 (66.78 MB)
|This one is probably pretty self-explanatory.|
at Waterloo Napoleon did surrender
Oh yeah, and I have met my destiny in quite a similar way
The history book on the shelf
Is always repeating itself
The World Was A Mess But His Hair Was Perfect
|I mostly like this one for the title...|
And you go on and on on on
Talking shite through the night
Just trying to stop our arguments falling to pieces
Modern Don Juan
|A younger, more idealistic, less commitment-phobic Napoleon... as the song goes on, I mean.|
Well, I ain’t nothin’ but a man in love
I ain’t nothin’ but a man in love
the girls they say I’m their only one
they even say I’m a modern Don Juan
Poor Little Rich Boy
|A bit of a risk, but, like the previous one, I think it works for a somewhat younger Napoleon.|
Poor little rich boy, all the couples have gone
You wish that they hadn’t, you don’t wanna be alone
But they wanna kiss and they got homes of their own
Poor little rich boy, all the couples have gone, they’ve gone, they’ve gone
A Sin So Nasty
|A little sexy, a little creepy, a little funky. Like Napoleon himself. And in a roundabout way I have to thank iwerewolf for this track, since I actually first heard it on the spy station she recommended here.|
You're So Vain
|Yes, this song. With a little added gender confusion courtesy of Captain Jack.|
Well, I hear you went up to Saratoga
And your horse naturally won
Then you flew your Lear Jet up to Nova Scotia
To see the total eclipse of the sun
Well, you're where you should be all the time
And when you're not, you're with some underworld spy
Or the wife of a close friend
Wife of a close friend, and
You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
|Napoleon is a gambler, in that kind of depressing way.|
Every gambler knows that the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' what to throw away and knowin' what to keep.
'Cause every hand's a winner and every hand's a loser
And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.
Charming Side of Drunk
[The World/Inferno Friendship Society]
|I can't articulate exactly how this song is about Napoleon but oh--it is. Also, "charm" became sort of a sub-theme in this mix, as will soon become clear.|
You've had too many lovers and not enough friends,
I said to myself looking around the room.
I've had too many drinks and not enough dinner.
Time to go soon.
Every foolish thing I never tried.
Every foolish thing I've called mine.
With age comes decadence, look here it comes.
Doing foolish things just to see
What change would bring.
I gotta stay on the charming side of drunk
And leave without saying goodbye
It's On The Rocks
|Inside, Napoleon is insecure and a little girly (I guess). And he'd better watch that all his former girlfriends don't get together and gang up on him.|
I apologize for all the noise
I just had to tell all the boys
That you'd rather have a Mai Tai
Than a tall glass of Bud Dry
Well, you're the kind of guy
Who needs attention around the clock
The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite
|A post-Affair song? A bit of a meta-commentary on the show itself? Whatever. Napoleon is the sidewinder.|
The cat in the hat came back, wrecked a lot of havoc on the way,
Always had a smile and a reason to pretend.
But their world has flat backgrounds and little need to sleep but to dream.
The sidewinder sleeps on his back.
Napoleon Sheds His Skin
[Tom Cochrane & Red Rider]
|I wound up liking this song so much that it became the title. Obviously there's a double meaning: that of taking off clothing and revealing more underneath, which works nicely with Napoleon and his suits. (kleenexwoman laughed when she saw this song on the list.)|
Napoleon sheds his skin
In the summer when the sun is high
He never knows when to quit
When to stop
Or when to say die
And time stands still behind
The distant gates
Time moves on outside in the sun
Then he wonders which side he's really on
The Perks of Being An Optimist
[How Bright the Sky]
|So, yeah, this is totally the sort of music I listened to in high school and it's only slightly embarrassing. You can download this song here too! But I was seeing it as sort of a mission-oriented, Napoleon and Illya strained friendship sort of thing... okay, they're having a fight.|
So put yourself in my place, baby
I bet you wouldn't last a second in my shoes
Now tell me how long it takes to make me shake and break my back in two
[The Sex Pistols]
|Napoleon falls somewhere between Frank Sinatra and Sid Vicious.|
There were times,
I'm sure you knew
When there was fuck, fuck
Fuck all else to do
But through it all,
When there was doubt
I shot it up or kicked it out
I faced 'em all and the world
And did it my way
You May Be Right
|Heard this one in a grocery store (not for the first time) and went, "Oh no, Napoleon!"|
I've been stranded in the combat zone
I walked through Bedford Stuy alone
Even rode my motorcycle in the rain
And you told me not to drive
But I made it home alive
So you said that only proves that I'm insane
You may be right
I may be crazy
But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for
Turn out the light
Don't try to save me
You may be wrong for all I know
But you may be right
|Ouch. Mean. And probably a little true.|
Dear Narcissus Boy
I know you've never really apologized for anything
I know you've never really taken responsibility
I know you've never really listened to a woman
|Getting meaner! Ah, but it's only mean if there's a shred of truth to be had. Right?|
I met him in a crowded room
Where people go to drink away their gloom
He sat me down and so began
The story of a charmless man
Educated the expensive way
He knows his claret from a beaujolais
I think he'd like to have been Ronnie Kray
But then nature didn't make him that way
The Last of the Famous International Playboys
|Interesting note: both this song and the one before it namedrop the Kray twins. Which is apparently what you do when you're British and you're talking about morally questionable charmers.|
I never wanted to kill
I AM NOT NATURALLY EVIL
Such things I do
Just to make myself
More attractive to you
HAVE I FAILED ?
[Elvis Costello & The Attractions]
|Yeah, at this point I figured it was time to take a little pity on Napoleon. Well, sort of.|
So good night little school boy, you'd better learn some self control
Did you mess up your hairstyle, pour scorn in your begging bowl?
Bare wires from the socket to the bed where you embraced that girl
Did you ever think there's far too many people in the world?
One day they'll probably make a movie out of all of this
There won't even have to be a murder just a slow dissolving kiss
I Want To Protect You
|And, finally, a little something to highlight the more generally positive side of Napoleon's nature.|
Not much of a man
But still I am a man
And you bring out something inside me
A perfect little diamond
A fragile little fire
And everything good in the world
I want to protect you
I want you to be safe and sound
At night in this world
Such a delicate girl needs someone
To look out for the wolves
I want to protect you
Title: Napoleon Sheds His Skin
Word count: 100
Napoleon examined his shoulder and, after a moment’s thought, scratched. A strip of dead white skin came away. “Ew,” he announced, then held out his hand. “Look!”
“Please don’t show me,” Illya replied, lifting his book up in front of his face for protection. When he spoke again, his voice was slightly muffled. “I told you to wear sunblock.”
“That you did,” Napoleon agreed. He lifted away another hank of skin. “It’s just like peeling an orange.”
“And here I’d thought you were unpleasant when you were in pain,” Illya said as he kicked the motel wastebasket toward his partner.
Covers made using:
- Ambulance Shotgun
- Uncle Typewriter
- Photoshop Brush set "Arrested," found here
- photos I stole from, I think it's safe to assume, Solovision. (With thanks, as always.)