Oh god it's like 6 am or whatever and I can't sleep, this sucks, my sleep is all crazy. I sleep for a few days then wind up not being able to sleep much at all. I don't know. And I get to drive to East Lansing today to see my dad.
kleenexwoman and I went to Wal-mart at 2 am to look at toys and buy towels for me. I actually wound up buying little cheapo toys for myself (and they are so dorky that it's embarrassing) because I'm tired and frustrated and unhappy and depressed and I just felt like I needed to know there were little plastic and plush things in the world that could make me smile. It's extraordinarily stupid and I feel bad for spending money on them, but Rachel was like, "Well if they make you happy then you should get them."
I know it sounds idiotic, but I still have these guilt issues over doing things that make me happy. Over feeling happy in general, I think. Which sucks, since it works out as a vicious-cycle sort of thing... like most depression does.
And I guess now I can link to this fic I wrote--more Man From UNCLE. How unusually productive! But will it last? (No.)