I forgot to mention that Rachel and I went and saw Tropic Thunder and it was amazing. I laughed way too much at the beginning with the fake trailers... enough that I had to stop laughing later to keep from getting sick. My sole gripe is that I thought we'd at least get a kiss out of ~*RDJ*~ and Tobey Maguire... although you know there would be kissing if they would make Satan's Alley as a full-length movie. I would go see it. It would be amazing. But ~*RDJ*~ as ~*~*Kirk Lazarus*~*~ (he's extra-sparkly) was pretty awesome all on its own. And Tom Cruise should play more roles like Les Grossman. Make him bald and pudgy and hairy in every movie from now on, says I.

Oh god it's like 6 am or whatever and I can't sleep, this sucks, my sleep is all crazy. I sleep for a few days then wind up not being able to sleep much at all. I don't know. And I get to drive to East Lansing today to see my dad.

kleenexwoman and I went to Wal-mart at 2 am to look at toys and buy towels for me. I actually wound up buying little cheapo toys for myself (and they are so dorky that it's embarrassing) because I'm tired and frustrated and unhappy and depressed and I just felt like I needed to know there were little plastic and plush things in the world that could make me smile. It's extraordinarily stupid and I feel bad for spending money on them, but Rachel was like, "Well if they make you happy then you should get them."

I know it sounds idiotic, but I still have these guilt issues over doing things that make me happy. Over feeling happy in general, I think. Which sucks, since it works out as a vicious-cycle sort of thing... like most depression does.

And I guess now I can link to this fic I wrote--more Man From UNCLE. How unusually productive! But will it last? (No.)