I don't fit in with anyone. I hate that. I'm so tired of being such an outsider. Let's just say it reenforces those feelings of self-doubt I always have...
And I felt so fucking stupid today because we had some professional actors come in from Cleveland to talk to us. One I already knew from an earlier play... Kara. But the other one was this little guy (was his name Dale? I really wasn't paying too much attention) who was just... ugh. Not 'ugh' in a bad way, but 'ugh' as in "Ugh... is there anything I can do for you master? I am at your beck and call..." Maybe it's some weird hormone thing, but for that hour and a half I was totally fixated on him. And he's not even the kind of guy I normally go for. But... dammit. And then we went into a few little improv skits... and of course I made an ass out of myself, not even in a good way. I can't improv with Drama Guild people, I've discovered. It just won't happen.
Sigh... at least Anya looked stupid too, so it wasn't a total loss... ^__^;; We just made asses out of ourselves together. "Yeah...so, we suck".
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck... don't let the bastards get you down.
